Monday, November 06, 2006
you've always been sending me home, forever being so nice. i thought all these would last, and i took for granted of all, i've never truly told you how i felt. now, when it's all over, i cry and regret. but tell me whats the point, when everything is changed.
there's no more you, no more of your hugs and kisses, and lovebites and whatever. i admit i do love to sit in your car, but it wouldnt matter if you have it, or not. its just the times spent together, like what gf always say.
after so long, i have never told you that i didnt tell you i like you is because i was afraid of love. i saw what happened to yx and me, i didnt want to go through the whole issue of breakups again. i thought i would let you know how i felt when i was more ready to love, but i never got the chance to.
at the same time, i fell into the same trap unknowingly. i was so dependent on you, and always had you with me. i thought we can just carry on this way, until i was ready for a rs. you were always so caring, always msg-ing me early in the morning, and talking to me on the phone at night. it became a habit. now i miss everything so much.
like what alex says, if i aint serious with this, why would i even bother to talk to you on the phone every night, even if it means skipping my favourite tv show? you've never thought of it, never.
i've never told you how much my 18th birthday meant to me, and how happy i was to have you with me at the first second and the very last one. the cable car ride was love, and it was because you were with me. you didnt know all these, i thought you knew. you always rush down to look for me whenever i gave you a call, you never know how guilty i felt. but at the same time, i know you did all those for love. you always came down to fetch me home after band, just because you dont want me to face the awkwardness i'd have with hanxian. im happy with all you did, and all those definitely made me love you more.
jiayu is a lucky girl, she got you back for the upteenth time. i lost you for the first time, and i know, its the end. now im not going to hold on to any hope at all, i know it would be another misery if i do. i've never gotten a second chance, never with yx, and never with you.
now you ignore me, my messages, my calls, and even san's. i have no idea what you want anymore, there's no way for us to even be friends if you continue to act like this &
now i dont even have the mood to get out of the house, dont even feel like shopping and spend money. its changed, everything's changed, i've changed.
let me cry, & let me die.
& 1:28 PM
